Thursday, March 20, 2014

The secret language of French signs

Welcome back... It's been such a long, strange journey...

France, like many other countries around the world, is quite unique in its culture and traditions. Draped in a rich history and laden with all sorts of nuances, it is a quite intricate country. The problem is, some of these cultural things are invisible to even the most trained eye.

Perhaps the best way to make way through all of the DO's and DON'T's of France is to better examine the signs and pictures that exist everywhere throughout the country. And though the language may be a bit of a mystery to some, I am more than happy to translate exactly what each picture means and entails for your next visit to the land of love.

Let's take a look...

Unbeknownst to most people, there is a strict "no speaking" policy between any two doors. If you happen to see whisperings between any entrances, gates or portals, make sure to notify the proper authorities immediately.


Unlike many countries, hitchhiking is actually lawful, so long as it is done in the proper manner. Three rules of thumb apply when trying to catch a free ride in the legal way:

1) Only vehicles with ladders and a fin (or fins) attached to them may be summoned.
2) All hitchhiking requests must be made while standing or sitting in another vehicle. This helps to convey that a ride is not needed, but simply desired.
3) You may only attempt to get a ride from vehicles whose color match your outfit worn at the time of the hail. This ensures that proper French fashion standards are kept.

If you have a pet rabbit, do not leave it unattended. Though doors are not allowed to verbally communicate with one another, they have found a way to coordinate vicious attacks upon unassuming hares.

When traveling with a group of people, there must be a uniformity in the posture of the cabin/car. If everyone else is leaning one way, you too must be leaning. No exceptions will be made.

The only addendum to the above mentioned rule is people of size and those traveling with a cane. They too must also follow suit with the posture of the rest of the people near them, but may do so in either direction, leaning forwards or backwards (as depicted above)

Javelin throwing is allowed most everywhere in the country, so long as the proper form is kept. If you don't look fancy doing it, you will be arrested on the spot. ***PLEASE NOTE*** If you are able to hold the javelin without actually touching it, you may be entitled to a free baguette. Check with the nearest boulangerie if you are able to accomplish this feat.

And lastly... If you're going to walk your dog, please make sure either than the dog is leading you rather than you leading your dog, or that neither you nor your dog look jovial while dong so.

Pay attention to the signs the next time you travel, and you too will learn to reap the benefits no matter where you are!

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