Today I discovered that I am worthy of what I am.

It came to me while shopping at Sears once I had finished with work. There was an extra 30% off of the clearance men’s clothing, and I had decided to make some purchases. Since coming back from India I have realized that I don’t really own clothes that properly fit me anymore. In fact, most of my hoodies had gone from being sweaters to jackets. My dilemma was that I already had a small room crammed from pillar to post with clothing.

At that moment I did what most shoppers do under pressure: I justified the purchase. Aside from not having proper fitting clothing I also lacked grown up clothing. The button downs - as I justified – were a necessity to add to my wardrobe; and at that price I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass. As a tradeoff I decided to donate the clothing that no longer fits me. I had donated some sweaters and jackets a month back, but had avoided shedding the bulk of my clothing because of some sort of materialistic separation anxiety. But since I was determined to make the purchases I was also equally determined to give the clothing to those who need it more than I do.

In the process of making this decision I also realized something else: I had keep the ratty, the ill-fitting, the 2^nd stringer clothing because I rarely liked to wear my “good” clothes. You know the kind - the kind that you look and feel great in. It was as though I didn’t care to look my best at all times. So what if I wasn’t wearing something different all the time. When you look good you feel good; when you feel good you look good. Why not feel and look good all the time? Also... keeping old clothes that don't fit anymore is like planning for them to fit once more; It's planning for failure.

Things running through my head right now: I discovered a few things about being 30: 1) I am now a full blown grown up (by age at least; no longer am I  a 20-something). 2) I know that I am a full blown grown up for these 3 reasons: a) I like doing dishes. b) if the garbage needs to go out it goes out. c) today’s purchases had a 4 button down to 1 hoodie ratio. I also hope to be able to write a little more in the coming weeks… The fast is going well, though it really puts into focus how delicious food really is. 3 days down, 4 to go!

Rule to live life by from now on: Do something good for yourself because you deserve it. Who knows, it may even provide a positive in other ways too. The decision to buy myself new clothes was a good decision. Because of it I was also given the realization of a different kind of self value and inspired me to give what I no longer needed to those who did.